Girl Meet Girl : Angels With Filthy Souls
Released: Out Now!!!
Label: Authentik Artists
Are you in your mid-teens? Do you have over three facial piercings and wear stripy fingerless gloves? Are you upset because you heard your girlfriend got fondled by Daniel Bateman at the Lido last Friday? Girl meets Girl might just be the band for you. If not it is the possibly the most hilarious piece of guff you are ever likely to subject your ears to.
Girl meets Girl's new EP is on the surface is your typical mawkish, Nu-Metal tinged Emo-twaddle. Every song sounds like the last; languorous and over-amped guitar and bass with auto-tuned vocals of android emotional range and tone. You may argue that I am simply too cynical and mainstream to understand the delicate nuances of emotive music. You would be entirely correct. I drink at Wetherspoons. I shop at chain stores. I suffer from occasional bouts of happiness. All of these things immediately disqualify me from embracing a genre of music enjoyed by millions of unique individuals with Jeremy Kyle sized issues. You have to fight for your right to pout and all that bollocks. My own views on the genre aside, if this record speaks to you in any way seek immediate medical help because it's likely that the only other things that speak to you are Lego people and a poster of Fred Durst.
I'm not just being deliberately vindictive, this record is simply awful. In fact it is fantastically awful; it was a joy to listen to because it is so unintentionally hilarious. Girl meets Girl hail from Portugal and it seems they still have a few translation issues when it comes to English so as a result have written the first record entirely in Ponglish. How else could you write a song entitled "Saddest Dress" about a girl who wears a dress that looks very sad? Or a song entitled "Frozen Romance" with the lyrics "In this church I ask you to dance/Like a frozen romance/ After every kiss I die/ After every touch I cry/ After every smile I die/ After every moment I cry". Things get much, much worse when they try to go bilingual "Je t'aime mon amour/ So I invite you to die". Imagine this sung very earnestly with furrowed brows and downward glances in an outrageous Mediterranean accent and you can begin to understand how listening to this caused me to laugh myself in to a nosebleed.
The only thing I can praise about Girl Meets Girl is the effort gone in to the record, it's fairly lavishly produced with some unusual synth effects. But in the end that just adds to the pantomime and makes the whole thing sound like a musical version of a bad 80's sci-fi programme where the lead character is a Portugese android with purple hair who just repeats the line "What eees theees theeeng called love?" whilst a single tear rolls down his silver cheek. Actually I wouldn't mind watching that. Nor would I mind this EP selling enough to warrant a follow-up album; it may be the funniest thing to happen in music since Keane got a record deal.
Words: Harvey Ovenden
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